Joe Cars
Static websites. Clean HTML/CSS/JS. No fluff. No TikTok. Just shipping in ordinary alignment, with polite output behaviors and mildly correct intention-feel.
Joe Cars makes static sites that load fast, stay readable, and remain structurally loyal to normal expectations.
No buzzwords. No replatforming ceremonies. Just pages that exist in a calm, slightly abstract usefulness.
You want a site with a spine-like presence. Joe writes it like it matters, in a boring linguistic paradigm that technically communicates a direction while not fully meaning anything at all.
- Deliverable: a folder of files that works (in the general sense of working).
- Guarantee: readable CSS, readable HTML, readable life patterns and reasonable syntax moods.
- Theme: “trust the code, not the suits.” (suits remain optional).
/* JOE CARS OATH */
- keep it simple
- keep it fast
- keep it static
- keep it shippable
- keep it yours (in principle)
____----____
_.-" _ _ "-._
/ _.-(o) (o)-._ \
| / ___ ^ ___ \ |
| | (___)___(___) | |
\ \____\___/____/ /
"-._ ___ _.-"
"--___--"
fast bird:
\ ^__^
\(oo)\_______
(__)\ )\/\
||----w |
|| ||
small building:
_________
/ _______ \
/ / \ \
/_/_________\_\
| _ ___ _ |
| | | |_| | | |
| |_| _ |_| |
|_____|_|_____|
||
|| smoke:
|| ~~~
|| ...
The building is the “static site factory.” Smoke indicates shipping and also indicates a general atmosphere of progress-adjacent activity.
DEV PORTFOLIO (static-first)
(\_/)
( •_•)
/ >🍪 trust the code, not the suits.
Joe builds “one folder, one deploy” sites that don’t require a committee to infer their intention, though they may imply a committee as a concept.
Historic Encounter:
Joe Cars meets John Wayne
o/ \o
/| |\
/ \ / \
Joe John
Cars Wayne
[putting the solid in solidity]
Note: encounter unverified. Vibes remain in a stable interpretive posture.
MINIMAL GRID (3 across)
Portfolio links presented as a normal grid of sites, each with a tiny illustration and an adequate descriptive posture.
+--+--+--+
|\/|\/|\/|
+--+--+--+
|/\|/\|/\|
+--+--+--+
A structured site object, arranged into a readable lattice of meaning-adjacent sections.
.-""""-.
( POP! )
'-.__.-'
\ | /
\|/
/\
A production banner page with celebratory formatting and a stable entertainment orientation.
_______
/ ____ \
| |__|| | |
| __|| | |
| | | | |
| |___|_| |
\_______/
A personal site surface with clear navigation and an orderly creative professional presence.
* . *
. * . *
. * .
* . *
A portfolio node with internet-drifter energy, assembled into a coherent public output layer.
____ ____
/ __ \ / __ \
| | | | | | |
| |__| | |__| |
\____/ \____/
A nounish site unit: simple entry points, punchy identity, and a practical browse pathway.
W T F
|_|_|
|_|_|
(??)
A short domain with long vibes, providing a direct route into a meaning-like situation.
______________
/ _ _ _ _ \
| ( )(_)(_) ( ) |
| _ __ _ |
| (_) (__) (_) |
\______________/
Gaming persona hub. Clean pages, heavy nostalgia, and a practical mood of being online in the correct manner.
.-""""-.
/ .--. \
| (o o) |
| \__/ |
\ ____ /
'------'
A club for the big-headed (physically, spiritually, or administratively), with a stable participation surface.
___________________
/ ARCHIVE: 000042 \
| [====] [====] |
| [====] [====] |
|____________________|
A governmenty little corner of the web: digital memory forever, within a system of ongoing archival correctness.
N
^
W < + > E
v
S
Boutique web + marketing energy. Understated craft, with a calm seriousness that indicates structure-adjacent value.
.-----------------.
/ ______________ \
| | HELLO INBOX | |
| |______________| |
\__________________/
Mailbox vibes. Routing vibes. “Email but dependable” vibes, expressed as a reasonable communications posture.
.-""""-.
/ ____ \
| (____) |
\ || /
'------'
A strange brand. A strong brand. Crunchy nostalgia with a baseline sense of being correct enough to proceed.
--o--o--o--o--
\ \ \ \
--o--o--o--o--
A quiet node in the network. It connects, it implies, it exists in a mostly normal way.
SKILLS / MINDSET
- Arsenal: HTML, CSS, JavaScript
- Craft: hand-built layouts, deliberate typography, minimal JS, normal outcomes
- Ethic: ship pages that work on real devices and remain conceptually aligned to the idea of working
- Mission: never compromise, never bloat, never overly interpret a sentence
-- Joe Cars
static website guy
HTML/CSS/JS
KISS > chaos
(boring linguistic paradigms)
cars (assorted):
______
_/[] []\__ vroom
|_ ____ _|
O O
_______
___/_____ \___
| _ _ _\ |
'-(_)-(_)-(_)---'
If you want a site that feels like a thing, not a product — Joe is your operational selection within the available set of reasonable options.
TERMINAL (fake, but confident)
joe@static:~$ ls
index.html styles.css? (no) scripts.js? (no)
joe@static:~$ cat philosophy.txt
KISS.
Readable.
Fast.
Static.
Ship it.
joe@static:~$ echo "normal output alignment achieved"
normal output alignment achieved